yet…unsettled.
It never ceases to amaze me how time flies. It’s already been a month and a half since my last post, and I already want to say, “Man, I hope I don’t post too much on my blog, otherwise my readers might get tired of my ramblings.”
But the second half of November and all of December have rolled on by, taking with it my 24th birthday, the conclusion of my first semester of graduate school, Christmas, and the beginning of the New Year. And while God has been faithful, I’m not sure how I feel looking forward into 2012. I feel neither hopeful nor excited about what lies ahead. I’m not anxious, but I don’t feel at peace.
Perhaps the best word is unsettled.
But I shouldn’t be.
I got an A and 3 B+’s in my first semester, way higher than undergrad. Yet, as I start my Med-Surg rotation, I feel like I don’t know anything at all.
I have a wonderful girlfriend, great friends, and a fantastic family, all of whom I know love me for who I am. Yet, oddly, I can’t help but feel disjointed, conspicuous, and out of place.
I got everything I needed for Christmas, including new jeans, two new cardigans, and a brand-new computer monitor. Yet I am left desiring more, wanting more, desperate for more.
Full of “yet”‘s and nowhere good to put them.
2012, here I come.
“…as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be at all ashamed, but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death.” Philippians 1:20
It never ceases to amaze me how spoiled people on this Earth can be.
From your post, it sounds like your whole life you pretty much have gotten everything you ever wanted. You’ve got 5000+ pics on facebook, 1700+ facebook friends, a girlfriend, loving family, and probably a wonderful trust fund that pays for your graduate school, and you’re posting here complaining that you want MORE?
See, this is the problem with MSJ students. They have no idea how lucky they are. For most, the only adversity they’ve ever faced is breaking up with their significant other or getting an 89.5 on their test. And you are no exception. The economy is in the toilet leaving thousands without jobs. Even over-qualified people with college degrees have to bow and scrape for crappy jobs that pays minimum wage and no benefits. There are thousands of dysfunctional families who suffer from domestic violence and alcoholism. And the government cuts funds for teachers and social workers because helping America’s growing bottom class isn’t on their list of priorities. I won’t even go into third world country issues.
You don’t know real adversity. You don’t know what it is like to have unconditional love absent from your life. You don’t know what its like to swipe your debit card at 711 and wonder if your $2.84 charge will go through because you are that broke. You have never been fully stripped of basic necessities like food and sleep. There are millions of people in this world who will never even have a tenth of the life and opportunity you have, but you’re going to sit in front of your brand new computer monitor that you got for Christmas and bitch that you want MORE?
You oughtta pray to God and ask him to teach you how to not be spoiled. Actually I’ll pray for you because I know that you won’t have to balls to do it. Maybe God will slap you in the face with some real life experiences that will teach you not to take shit for granted. Better yet, pray to God on what you can do to give back instead of asking for more like a fucking child.