all-nighter.
“If someone is too tired to give you a smile, leave one of your own, because no one needs a smile more than those who have none to give.” – Anonymous
control.
This has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm trying to say...
Let it be known that the above image has nothing to do with my topic; it’s the picture from a British 2003 film called “Control”.
But you have to admit, it’s a good picture. Very “Rebel Without a Cause”.
It has occurred to me that a majority, if not all, human choices and desires – and subsequent fallacies and problems – boils down to a simple issue: control. We can point fingers and examine a million different things, but in reality, the source of our problems has been, is, and will consistently be our own desire for control.
You might say, “Bryant, you’re crazy. I don’t desire control. No way, Jose!”
But think about it. From the moment you wake up to the moment you fall back asleep, you desire control over your life. That low-fat, soy, light whipped cream, upside-down Caramel Macchiato at Starbucks. That Subway sandwich with extra bell peppers and no tomatoes. That exam that you really want to get an A on, so that your GPA will go up and you can get into the grad school you want or get a job and attain that stability that you so desire. Our art is controlled, in the way that we seek to perfect our utilization of the brush/chisel/spray can/pen/etc so that the full expression of who we are and what we feel can be properly and appropriately conveyed. Even in our recreational time, we can find the presence of this desire. When we play an instrument or play a sport, we want to be BETTER. That entails a certain degree of control over our muscles, our understanding of the chords, even our creativity so that we might be able to change our game strategy or produce a new sound.
Our lives are focused and centered in this pursuit of greater control.
And that makes sense. I mean, from Genesis Chapter 1, God said: “Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them RULE over the fish of the sea, and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
I assume we are included in that last group.
And so control was inbred within us. It’s almost as if it were our PURPOSE. To seek control and dominion over something.
It should be no surprise to us that our sins stem from a lack of control and/or something we are trying to gain control over. Things that we feel are out of our power. For example, something that most guys deal with is sexual sin. We don’t “act out” and sleep around and do all the things that we do, JUST because it just feels good. If it were just that, every guy, I believe, would be able to resist that temptation and we really wouldn’t have this pandemic issue on our hands. Rather, we desire it MORE because it offers guys the opportunity to gain control over the complexities and intricacies of actually having a relationship. Instead of having to deal with all the drama and problems of actually having a girlfriend, for a short period of time, you get the pleasure of a relationship without the hassle. Why deal with potentially risky relationship and putting yourself out there when there’s a risk-free, controlled situation waiting for you at the next clubbing event or at your personal computer?
And so the sin begins.
Girls do this, too. Self-image issues arise throughout life, and instead of building one’s own self-esteem and understanding the fullness of one’s own sense of self-worth, what do girls turn to? Make-up. Fashion. Gossip. And for a growing percentage of our female population, surgery.
It always comes back to our desire for control.
Problems with commitment? Comes from control. Problems with self-mutilation? Has to do with control. Problems with shoplifting or stealing? Control. Problems with anger? With doubt? With desire and lust and envy? Control, control, control.
So what do we do? I mean, attempting to change this would only result in trying to grasp greater control over my life. Which is what caused the problem in the first place. The proverbial “vicious cycle”. Does that mean we are forever condemned to this life where this desire for control seems to “control” our lives? Pun intended. Har har har.
That’s what makes God’s gifts of mercy and grace so amazing. He asks us to give up control. To trust Him. To take Proverbs 3:5 to heart and just be like “Aiite, Jesus, go ahead. Do your thing. I can’t do this one alone” and relinquish that control.
And when we do, He blesses the heck out of us.
How nifty.
dangerous.
Another Injustice to Add the Pile?
PARIS — A fractured panel of French legislators endorsed the idea of a ban on full facial veils in government offices, public hospitals and mass transit, while the Parliament and government remain deeply divided over the effectiveness and constitutionality of such a law.
After six months of hearings, the panel of 32 legislators came up with a 200-page report covering proposals reinforcing Republican ideas of secularism, but in the end, barely a quarter of them voted to submit their work to Parliament for consideration. They prevailed largely because the 11 members of the opposition Socialist Party boycotted.
The result is far short of the idea that inspired the creation of the panel: the demand for a ban on the full veil anywhere in public.
The Parliament will now have to debate whether to adopt the nonbinding resolution suggested in the report, stating that the full veil is “contrary to the values of the Republic” and asserting that “all of France is saying no” to the veil.
No action is expected until after regional elections in March.
Since 2004, headscarves and other signs of religious affiliation have been banned from public schools by a government determined to enforce France’s tradition of strict secularism in the face of fears of growing fundamentalism among France’s five million Muslims. Veils must be removed or lifted to ascertain identity, for passport photos, airline security and banks.
The panel discussed a generalized ban on wearing the full veil in public, which was dominated by criticism from legal experts, Muslim leaders and the police.
Further, the Interior Ministry says only a fraction of France’s Muslim women wear the full veil — 1,900 — so a broader ban would mostly affect wealthy tourists from Saudi Arabia and the Persian Gulf, who help keep up the retail economy here.
According to the police, most of the 1,900 are young, two-thirds are French citizens and a quarter are Muslim converts.
The center-right government of President Nicolas Sarkozy has been deeply s concerned about the rise of Salafism, a more conservative form of Islam, especially among the converts. .
Mr. Sarkozy has said that the veil is “not welcome in France because it is contrary to our values and contrary to the ideals we have of a woman’s dignity.” But he stepped back from pushing the broader ban, concerned about offending Muslims and the constitutionality of the law.
Instead, with an eye on the coming regional elections, he and his prime minister, François Fillon, said that Parliament should debate the issue and vote on a nonbinding resolution before trying to pass legislation.
Those who oppose the veil call it a symbol of the repression of women, but many of those who wear it say that they do so voluntarily as an expression of their faith. Their backers say that a ban would deny Muslim women freedom of expression and stigmatize them.
The whole discussion has made many Muslims uncomfortable or angry. Muhammad Moussaoui, the head of a national coalition of Muslim organizations, told The Associated Press that “it’s very difficult to talk about the liberation of women through a law that constrains.” But in some public accommodations, “where identification is necessary,” he said, it was legitimate to ask women to show their faces.
Muslim veiling. varies. The full veil, or niqab, is officially called “veil integral” in French but is popularly referred to as burqa, after the Afghan garment that covers face and body and leaves a mesh panel over the eyes.
Guy Geoffroy, a legislator from Mr. Sarkozy’s party, said he favored a clear statement that “the burqa is contrary to a woman’s rights, contrary to public order and security.” But he said a law should be limited and applicable. “The worst thing is a law of significant ambition, and even as we vote for it we know we won’t have the means to put it in place.”
Various polls show that a varying majority of French, when asked, favor a ban on the full veil. And the French media has had great fun with the topic. For instance, the popular daily Parisien this week interviewed a French artist who said that she had worn the full veil for a month “in hell,” and that she sweated profusely in the summer and got drenched in the rain because the black cloth acted like a sponge.
But it is difficult to tell how much the French really care about the whole debate. Monday night, President Sarkozy had a prime-time, two-hour television show in which he answered questions from 11 citizens with a variety of concerns and grievances. Mr. Sarkozy, who is masterful at this kind of theater, was asked about the ongoing government-inspired “debate” about national identity, soothingly talking of the need for families to discuss all issues. The veil did not even come up.
After six months of hearings, the panel of 32 legislators came up with a 200-page report covering proposals reinforcing Republican ideas of secularism, but in the end, barely a quarter of them voted to submit their work to Parliament for consideration. They prevailed largely because the 11 members of the opposition Socialist Party boycotted.
The result is far short of the idea that inspired the creation of the panel: the demand for a ban on the full veil anywhere in public.
The Parliament will now have to debate whether to adopt the nonbinding resolution suggested in the report, stating that the full veil is “contrary to the values of the Republic” and asserting that “all of France is saying no” to the veil.
No action is expected until after regional elections in March.
Since 2004, headscarves and other signs of religious affiliation have been banned from public schools by a government determined to enforce France’s tradition of strict secularism in the face of fears of growing fundamentalism among France’s five million Muslims. Veils must be removed or lifted to ascertain identity, for passport photos, airline security and banks.
The panel discussed a generalized ban on wearing the full veil in public, which was dominated by criticism from legal experts, Muslim leaders and the police.
Further, the Interior Ministry says only a fraction of France’s Muslim women wear the full veil — 1,900 — so a broader ban would mostly affect wealthy tourists from Saudi Arabia and the Persian Gulf, who help keep up the retail economy here.
According to the police, most of the 1,900 are young, two-thirds are French citizens and a quarter are Muslim converts.
The center-right government of President Nicolas Sarkozy has been deeply s concerned about the rise of Salafism, a more conservative form of Islam, especially among the converts. .
Mr. Sarkozy has said that the veil is “not welcome in France because it is contrary to our values and contrary to the ideals we have of a woman’s dignity.” But he stepped back from pushing the broader ban, concerned about offending Muslims and the constitutionality of the law.
Instead, with an eye on the coming regional elections, he and his prime minister, François Fillon, said that Parliament should debate the issue and vote on a nonbinding resolution before trying to pass legislation.
Those who oppose the veil call it a symbol of the repression of women, but many of those who wear it say that they do so voluntarily as an expression of their faith. Their backers say that a ban would deny Muslim women freedom of expression and stigmatize them.
The whole discussion has made many Muslims uncomfortable or angry. Muhammad Moussaoui, the head of a national coalition of Muslim organizations, told The Associated Press that “it’s very difficult to talk about the liberation of women through a law that constrains.” But in some public accommodations, “where identification is necessary,” he said, it was legitimate to ask women to show their faces.
Muslim veiling. varies. The full veil, or niqab, is officially called “veil integral” in French but is popularly referred to as burqa, after the Afghan garment that covers face and body and leaves a mesh panel over the eyes.
Guy Geoffroy, a legislator from Mr. Sarkozy’s party, said he favored a clear statement that “the burqa is contrary to a woman’s rights, contrary to public order and security.” But he said a law should be limited and applicable. “The worst thing is a law of significant ambition, and even as we vote for it we know we won’t have the means to put it in place.”
Various polls show that a varying majority of French, when asked, favor a ban on the full veil. And the French media has had great fun with the topic. For instance, the popular daily Parisien this week interviewed a French artist who said that she had worn the full veil for a month “in hell,” and that she sweated profusely in the summer and got drenched in the rain because the black cloth acted like a sponge.
But it is difficult to tell how much the French really care about the whole debate. Monday night, President Sarkozy had a prime-time, two-hour television show in which he answered questions from 11 citizens with a variety of concerns and grievances. Mr. Sarkozy, who is masterful at this kind of theater, was asked about the ongoing government-inspired “debate” about national identity, soothingly talking of the need for families to discuss all issues. The veil did not even come up.
this is ridiculous.
what if i don’t want to wait?
For the entirety of my college career, I have said to myself that I would pursue something else and use the resulting career to glorify God. While that “something else” has changed, going from wanting to go medical school to wanting to get my Master’s in Public Health to wanting to get my Master’s in Nursing to become a Nurse Practitioner, I was always bothered with the fact that I was not passionate about these things. That these things, these studies, these endless pursuits in academia were here to serve what purpose? To make sure that I was financially secure so that I wouldn’t have other fiscal burdens to worry about while I serve the Lord in other ways?
But the truth is, I’ve always been passionate about doing the Lord’s work. Whether it was doing missions work in Tijuana or Taiwan, or serving in youth leadership at my home church, or helping out with the christian club in high school – even when I didn’t really fully know the God that I served, I served. Because it was something that I wanted to do. Because it felt like this is where I belonged. Even here, at UC San Diego, I find myself enthralled by the intricacies of human biochemistry not because it’s simply complex or because it’s interesting or because I find the material ‘relatable’. I enjoying the classes because they are a true, tangible testament to the God I serve. That the mechanisms of the stomata on every leaf, the biophysics of the human circulatory system, the interconnectedness of every thing on God’s green Earth (maybe not so green any more) – that’s amazing to me because God created it in that way.
Of course, I am not particularly good at my classes. So, maybe I don’t enjoy God’s creation THAT much.
What I realize I DO enjoy is the conversations I have with people. Talking to people about who they are and what they think. Maybe I should have been a psychologist. But how many of THOSE do you really need in the world? Plus, it’s too late to change NOW, two quarters before graduation.
I digress.
The truth is, I don’t want to go to my work every day and be bored. I don’t want to be a pediatric nurse practitioner and just go to the clinic/hospital every day and dread seeing kids that cry and don’t want to be there. I don’t want to do paperwork. To be frank, I am bored NOW. I can’t study the complexities of the human body all the time. I love learning new things about SCRIPTURES and sharing them with people. THAT’S MY PASSION. When I’m here in San Diego, all I can think about is going home and changing my church, the place that fostered my growth for the last 16 years of my life. It pains me to see it floundering, drowning in complacency and politics.
But I am not necessarily a bold person. I don’t hold evangelistic conversations with people all the time. I COULD. I SHOULD. But I don’t. (Yet.) I love challenging people. I love speaking. I love processing things over with people, getting to know God’s heart THAT way. I would LOVE it if I could just do that all day. I would love to see new generations of youth rise up, PASSIONATE about worshipping God, seeking Him, praying, having meaningful conversations with their friends about their God, their Lord, their Savior.
What if I don’t want to wait to do that?
hunger.
Who will feed them?
For various reasons, I am fasting.
To represent my solidarity with the people of Haiti in this moment of need.
To further contemplate the concept of worth.
To understand the role that God wants me to play in life in general.
And of course, to pray.
I haven’t eaten since 1AM this morning and won’t be eating until 8PM tomorrow night. Yikes. It’s funny how food becomes so much more APPARENT to you when all you want to do is eat. Pray for me that I would be purposeful with this fast.
worth.
Will they be able to rise from the ashes?
It’s heartbreaking, to say the least, to see the images of Haiti in these troubling times. The beautiful Presidential Palace toppled; people slowly dying under the shade of makeshift tents on the roadside; building crumbling into piece, if not already broken – here is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, reduced to rubble.
Did they deserve this? I can’t really say; it’s not my place to judge. But it struck me that the devastation caused by this catastrophe is enough to suggest to anyone that they should just give up. This just isn’t worth it. There is no physical infrastructure; these are buildings so poor constructed, every aftershock – including the one yesterday that reached a magnitude of 6.0 – just causes THAT much more damage. There is no system infrastructure; there, corruption is so rampant that here, there is NOTHING for the Haitian people to prepare for such a disaster. No relief efforts, nothing.
It just isn’t worth it.
God has been putting the word “worth” on my heart recently. And when I say recently, I mean since 6:12pm last night. Within the span of 4 hours, God spoke to me through a book, a whole worship set, a couple speakers, and the Scripture itself in such a clear way that I could not doubt his intention. That He was encouraging me to think about this concept of “worth”. I mean, I should know what this word means already, right? We use it all the time. “Oh you’re worth it.” “That movie’s worth watching.” “That painting is worth a lot more than he paid for it.”
And the truth is, Christians think about this all the time. The reason why Christ’s sacrifice on the cross is so meaningful is because we AREN’T worth it. Our sinful nature denies us the original worth that God imbued upon us; as a result, to be thought of, by Jesus of all people, as “worth dying for” is really quite a powerful concept, one that is humbling in so many ways.
Which is why I’m beginning to question a lot of the excuses that we make for not doing things. Because in essence, we don’t do things because, well, we don’t think it’s worth it. It’s not worth our time. It’s not worth the money. It’s not worth the sacrifice. We don’t get that McDonald’s burger because it’s not worth it to have to work all those fatty calories off. (We DO get that dollar ice cream sundae, because that’s freaking good.) We don’t get to church on time, because church isn’t worth getting there early for. We don’t go to bible study, because well, bible study isn’t worth sacrificing the time I could be using to do my homework, study, or beat level 33 on that video game I got over the weekend.
Are these worth it?
I don’t donate my money, my time, my labor because when I think about it, when I weigh how much of MY money and MY time and MY labor that I would have to sacrifice, the truth is that it isn’t worth the sacrifice. This isn’t a post that’s meant to make people feel bad about their lives, but an affirmation and encouragement from one equally sinful man to re-evaluate the reasons why we DON’T do things. Because Jesus thought WE were worth it. Can we see the reasons why THESE are worth it?
haiti.
Pray for our brothers and sisters, both for the ones suffering and the ones working to ease that suffering.
truth.
Why must things be so complicated?
This is kinda in conjunction with my post from last night. I found a moment to rest today before my meeting at 8pm and decided I might blog about my conversation last night. One of the guys we were talking to last night was Steven, who has gone to church before but was turned away by the hypocrisy of the contemporary church. He made an interesting observation, mentioning the vastness of the universe. He said that it’s funny how we forget to put things in perspective. We have the Hubble Telescope, a device orbiting our earth that takes a CENTIMETER of space and looks into it, only to uncover the existence of hundreds of galaxies each with hundreds of stars with hundreds of systems orbiting it. In the grand scheme of it, with a universe that is SO big, then why would a God even bother to mess with us? And why must GOD be the one who was the source of all this creation? Why not matter? Why must we even make a distinction?
Oof. What a doozy.
But, lo and behold, my God is a good God and he doesn’t let me down, even for a second. God SPEAKS and in that moment, He gave me an answer that, at least in my opinion, held its ground against such a worldview. That because out of the two, the reality was that one has to be true and one had to be false. They can’t be mutually inclusive; they can’t both be right. And that reality that one had to be true and the other had to be false forces me to choose. And that choice will inevitably affect any number of other choices. So while I won’t nitpick the argument of creation, I have made my choice and delineated that distinction and I choose the truth.
I feel the world has failed to see this. We laud a politician’s “reaching across the aisle” across partisan lines in compromise. We yearn to “coexist” in peace and harmony. The ideals and concepts of relativism has become the norm for popular culture and we fail to see the problem. The truth is that people both can’t be right AND wrong. We can “agree to disagree”, but the truth is and will always be that ONE person will be RIGHT and ONE person will be WRONG. I’m not condoning condemnation in any way; by all means, we need to treat each other’s perspectives and ideas with respect, and meet each other in a spirit of love and peace. BUT “6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” – 1 Corinthians 13:6
But the reality of truth is that truth doesn’t compromise. Jesus knew that, saying the words “I tell you the truth” 30 times. (I counted.)
stretched.
I just got back from the dorms. It is 2 AM, I’ve been constantly moving and constantly talking for about 19 hours now without very much rest at all and I feel oddly refreshed. This is, without a doubt, a divine intervention. I am exhausted physiologically, and just about as tired mentally, but spiritually, I’m zooming around my room, mind still racing, heart still pounding.
We – “we” referring to Curtis Johnson (my co-leader), Danielle (my co-team leader and girlfriend), and myself – just got back from having a 2.5 hour long hangout with some of the boys on Blake 2 over in Revelle College. We just got done with Large Group, replete with another amazing talk by our beloved Ryan Pfeiffer and I swear, he reads my mind or something because I constantly resonate with every talk he gives. It’s a little freaky. But that’s another conversation at another time.
We were hanging out with the boys and God has just stretched us in so many ways, especially me. Here I am, with two of my leaders in a suite full of non-Christians, eager to go home, about to pass out on someone’s bed, when these two friends of mine decide to start delving into deep spiritual conversations. I won’t even tell you the words that were running through my head at that moment. Why would you start delineating the differences between Catholicism and Protestantism at MIDNIGHT?
And I found myself doubting again. I found myself doubting that the God of the Creation of Heaven and of Earth such as mine could POSSIBLY actually change people’s hearts. Doubting a God that moves mountains and commands the sea such as mine MIGHT be able to put a thought in someone’s brain to actually understand what I’m trying to say. Doubting a God such as mine that is able to bring together a tiny Filipino girl from the inner city who’s been born and raised in the church, an oblivious Chinese boy from Bay Area suburbia who started church soon after birth, and a Caucasian boy from Minnesota who JUST became Christian as team leaders for a bible study in San Diego could actually reveal himself in bits and pieces to a bunch of non-Christians.
In that suite alone, five people signed up for Frosh Retreat on Saturday. Five people who haven’t been to church in a long while, if ever. This is gonna be good.
Jesus Christ – 1, Bryant – 0. Dangit.
Anyways, here’s the promo video I made with a couple bible study leaders for the upcoming Frosh Retreat. The theme is “UP”:
they’re back!
…and with a vengeance! So apparently Lady Gaga, Queen of the Eclectic and current pop/techno? (I don’t really know what genre she falls into) superstar, has recently taken on the title and privilege of Creative Director for Polaroid Camera and consequently has reinstated the age of the company’s iconic instant film cameras. With a continuing reliance on Polaroid 1000 film, the cameras are taking on a more retro-aesthetic feel to reach the younger generation. So you don’t have to go hunting in your parents’ attic for that aged and dusty camera, because you can now get one of THESE babies…
AIN'T YO DADDY'S POLAROID CAMERA...
